The Fall of Man, or, The Worst Transgression Ever

Hey, Adam, you wanna party?

Okay, so I’d like to say a few words about Adam and Eve…in particular, the “Fall of Man” incident.

God throws these two innocent yet spunky individuals into the Garden of Eden. As far as they are concerned, God is some sort of a father figure. So, just like a toddler who tries to open the snack pantry (even sometimes while his parents are watching) Eve snacks on an apple. Need I mention the devil coerces her (but this may be symbolic of the ubiquitous evil forces that make us second-guess our decision making). Even though the All-Knowing-One told them not to go near the Tree of Knowledge, Eve says, “To hell with it” and takes advantage of the teeth-cleaning properties of the apple.

Now, as the wrathful and vengeful being that God is (in select parts of the bible) God decides to kick the only two Eden locals to the curb—mind you, one was completely innocent. That would be like your dad, after finding out you filched some fruit from the fridge, kicking you and your sister out of the house to perish (eventually).

“Sorry, Billy, you made a mistake and now I’ve decided not only to disown you and Jennie but also to stop raising you both. Good luck and take care of your sister.”

Now, any faithful Christian would know that Adam lived to age 930. That means he had 930 years after the incident to regret Eve’s mistake. Do you think he held a grudge? For how long? Did they learn anything from Eve’s mistake? They didn’t even get a chance to learn repercussions before they suffered the worst repercussion in the world. They were pure and naïve for Christ’s sake, how were they expected to know God would stick to his harsh word? I imagine the foot-washing Jesus would have made a much better father-figure for the two of them.

Busy Adam toiling away while Eve considers disobeying the most powerful being in the universe.

Also, let’s think about the population statistics. At that time, the Garden of Eden (or the entire world as Adam and Eve knew it) had a staggering population of 2. They had no one to disappoint but themselves and the guy up above. If they knew the whole population of the Earthly sinners they would eventually spawn would be disappointed after hearing their tale, I’m sure Eve would have gave that fruit snack more thought. In this sense, the Fall seems a bit more reasonable for the two blacklisted inhabitants while inversely upping the wrath-factor for God (the “all-forgiving” bastard dad).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if Adam and Eve knew they would stick it to generations to come as well as being an embarrassing cautionary tale, Eve probably would have gave it some more consideration and maybe Adam would have kept her on a tighter leash. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that the whole story is nonsense and doesn’t teach any sort of comprehensible life lesson.

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